A chaotic ardvaark

I came up with this song in July 2012 while contemplating the phrase 'my hovercraft is full of eels', as you do, and thinking what other things might be filled with animals. That phrase doesn't feature in the song, but there are plenty of other similarly silly phrases in it.

The tune came to me as I was writing it, and I later discovered that it was similar to the tune to the song 'Give me the bus fare to Laxey'.

The song is about those who cause chaos wherever they go. I haven't identified any particular people, but you probably know one or two like that, or maybe you're one of them.


The attic is overflowing with ardvaarks
The bath is brimful of baboons
The curtains are covered in custard
And mustard drips from all the spoons

The table is teaming with turnips
And the potatoes are eyeing the peas
The cushions are crammed with creamcrackers
And the cat's eaten all of the cheese.

There are dogs playing poker in the pantry
And smoking fine Cuban cigars
As soon as they run out of money
They'll be racing around in toy cars

The sink is swimming with penguins
And the fridge is flowing with fudge
There are ferrets fooling round in the cellar
And the carpets have all turned to sludge

I should have learnt my lesson
I should never have left them alone
I only popped out for ten minutes
And look what they've done to my home

Wherever they've been there is chaos
And wherever they are there is more
I only popped out for ten minutes
And now I can't get through the door.

Here's a recording:

Songs I've written

The Elephant Song | When you get to jiggit | Chaos | Winter | Everyday adventures | Hints of Blossom | A Panda in a Poncho | Plinkin Plookplooks | Spollagyn son tey | How Many Roads? | A Gnu in My Shoe | A Hen in My Hat | The Ballad of the Wug and the Cra | La Plume de ma Tante | Ukuleles On The Shore | Echoes on the Tongue | Dardledumdue | It's Okay To Be Odd | Monday Morning | Tall Tales | Sail Across The Sky | Two Left Feet | Thunder River | Ning | Lazybones | Goats | The Toaster Song | Hello Hi Hey | Thingamajig | Jolly Yuletide | The Pliffploff | Bubbles | Distraction | Little Lions | The Little Green Owl | Pannas Owen | Seize The Day | Music in the Air | Pocket Hedgehogs | Dust | Lillilu | Lost in a Good Book | Quiet Please | Ffaldiral | Melting 😅 | That's When We'll Do That Thing | As Easy As | What Did I Come In Here For? | Upside Down | Thoir An Aire! | Ho Ha Hey | Patience | Time | Farewell | Stuff and Nonsense | Ruith Air Falbh / Run Away! | The Other Side | Colourless Green Ideas | Noodling | Off To Sea

Other songs


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