When something is useless you might say it’s as useful as a chocolate teapot or something similar.
Apparently it first appeared in print in an article entitled Shades of Bunker Hill! by Don berry in the Democrat and Chronicle (Rochester, New York, USA).
Other ways to say that something is useless include:
- as much use as a chocolate teapot
- (to) have a reliability record like a chocolate kettle
- as much use as a chocolate fireguard
- as much use as a chocolate fireplace
- as much use as a handbrake on a canoe
- as much use as a screen door on a submarine
- as much use as a cat flap on a submarine
- as much use as a waterproof towel
- as much use as a dry day in the desert
- as much use as a glass hammer
- as useful as a paper boat
- as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike
- as useful as tits on a bull
- as useful as a politician’s promise
- as useful as a lead balloon
By the way, I made up a few of the sayings above. Can you guess which ones?
Equivalent phrases in other languages include:
- Polish: potrzebny jak dziura w moście = needed like a hole in a bridge
- Scottish Gaelic: cho feumail ri pàillean am fàsach = as useful as a palace in a wilderness
- Vietnamese: cơn bão trong tách trà = a storm in a teacup
Do you know any others?
Incidentally, according to BBC News, chocolate teapots might not be as usesful as they are reputed to be.
Sources: https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/useful_as_a_chocolate_teapot
https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/useful_as_a_chocolate_teapot
https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/104958/origin-of-as-useful-as-a-chocolate-teapot-fireguard
https://www.powerthesaurus.org/as_much_use_as_a_chocolate_teapot/synonyms