European Parliament to adopt Latin as official language
By Z. Lamenhof
Tuesday, April 1, 2003
Romano Prodi, the President of the European Commission, announced today that
from January 1st 2004, Latin would become the sole official language within
the European Parliament and other EU institutions. Prodi told reporters that
the translation budget already accounts for over half the total budget for
the European Parliament and that the budget would increase exponentially with the
imminent expansion of the EU. The only sensible solution to this problem,
according to Prodi, would be to adopt a single language for use in the
European Parliament and other EU institutions.
When asked why Latin, Prodi remarked that many of the languages of
Europe are either direct descendants of Latin or have borrowed a lot of vocabulary
from Latin thus making Latin the logical choice. He also said that no member
country would enjoy a linguistic advantage over the others. He also mentioned that
knowledge of Latin would give people direct access to a huge range of literature
and help them to think logically.
Intensive Latin tuition will be provided for all EU staff, Members of the European
Parliament, journalists and politicians from all member countries. The cost of this
will be approximately the same as the translation and interpretation budget for six months.
A spokesperson for the Association of Classics Teachers (ACT) expressed her astonishment
and delight at the news. She said that the ACT has been campaigning for re-adoption of
Latin as Europe's lingua franca since 1834. We never expected to be taken seriously so
this decision came as a complete surprise, she told reporters.
British Prime Minister, Tony Blair, commented that it was about time the
translation and interpretation issue was sorted out once and for all and that
he wholeheartedly supported Prodi's bold move to adopt a single language for EU
institutions. Blair disagreed with the choice of Latin stating that English
already functions as a lingua franca within the EU and throughout the world, and
would therefore be a much better candidate.
Lionel Jospin, the French Prime Minister, expressed his support for
the plan and confirmed that he would be lobbying for French to become
the official language of EU institutions. He told reporters that it
was time that French was restored to its role as the international language
Note: This article is a spoof intended for your amusement.
As far as I'm aware, none of the people mentioned have expressed these
particular views and some of the organisations featured are figments
of the author's imagination.