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A chaotic ardvaark

I came up with this song in July 2012 while contemplating the phrase 'my hovercraft is full of eels', as you do, and thinking what other things might be filled with animals. That phrase doesn't feature in the song, but there are plenty of other similarly silly phrases in it.

The tune came to me as I was writing it, and I later discovered that it was similar to the tune to the song 'Give me the bus fare to Laxey'.

The song is about those who cause chaos wherever they go. I haven't identified any particular people, but you probably know one or two like that, or maybe you're one of them.


The attic is overflowing with ardvaarks
The bath is brimful of baboons
The curtains are covered in custard
And mustard drips from all the spoons

The table is teaming with turnips
And the potatoes are eyeing the peas
The cushions are crammed with creamcrackers
And the cat's eaten all of the cheese.

There are dogs playing poker in the pantry
And smoking fine Cuban cigars
As soon as they run out of money
They'll be racing around in toy cars

The sink is swimming with penguins
And the fridge is flowing with fudge
There are ferrets fooling round in the cellar
And the carpets have all turned to sludge

I should have learnt my lesson
I should never have left them alone
I only popped out for ten minutes
And look what they've done to my home

Wherever they've been there is chaos
And wherever they are there is more
I only popped out for ten minutes
And now I can't get through the door.

Here's a recording:

Songs I've written

A Gnu in My Shoe | A Hen in My Hat | A Panda in a Poncho | Chaos | Everyday adventures | Hints of Blossom | How many roads? | La Plume de ma Tante | Make the most of it while it lasts | Plinkin Plookplooks | Spollagyn son tey / Chips for tea | The Elephant Song | When you get to jiggit

Other songs

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